Mental Health II

  You are fortunate if your mind is lucid when neither pained enough.  Intense pain having radiated in mind caused my hallucinations...like a radio hearing into some other world.
  Generally I try to live a stable Mr. Roger s sort of existence (or keeping to some routine here).  Even if sleep schedules are more erratic at times.  Meaning keeping a routine, making sure to eat...I've smoked on and off, but the intensity and brightness of pain associated to this sort of leads me away from smoking (I don't know how many times in recent years that I could describe the differences in intensity by so acutely), or at least it seems there is something associative here alongside some other things.  While at times it can be difficult, also I've found avoiding dwelling on one's state of existence helps.
    Having mood swings?  Lower back pain?  Energy levels all over the place?  Dizzy mind?  Suffering from Hyperacusis?  ein, zwei, drei...suffering from Neuropathy issues?!

I get weird body sensations...like being really hot inside at times...or feeling like someone were persistently crying inside of me...this comes and goes.  My third eye gets lit up like a christmas tree sometimes....pretty painful...and then my sternum gets poked sometimes any number of times (not exactly literal here but...)

On the right and left shoulder...and so forth...its enough generally in the modern sense to say, "Hey, you sound sort of crazy..." While in the past...the rain and wind were blowing furiously around...if you were paranoid enough to look for signs in so much as how a cheese burger were being delivered, mental anguish hadn't helped, had it?!  The thing is that I weren't on really anything that should bring this about...so in theory it were supposed to be indigenous suffering, malady...you know, light shoulder jab to the side...you may have self induced this condition, or at least biochemical imbalances...poor lifestyle...hmm...not exactly...

you set this aside and tell yourself, "Ah, yes...I am looking for this baseline...or balance in life...that is the REAL YOU!"  The stable you while excitement comes from the roiling cauldron on Fry day night...I always like Frei day better, or Freya's day at least...if following more so to historical derivatives...I can't bring myself locally to listen to Friday night fish fry either...at least so many times, I think of the cooling sea, and the lava rocks steaming but cooling there.

     Anything else?!  And the future?!  You might have thought to live like you were when you were younger, having that freedom to do and say a whole lot more, but it seems different in a way...neither having the same confidences in life or things that brings the sort of respect that you might have imagined...here, respecting space at least should seem silent as one could imagine if intent with a clear enough mind to here the silence there, and someone at the helm were turning the volume knob down for you.

4/28

  In recent times, I've generally been conditioned well enough to varying levels of pain intensities...its seems Pavlovian enough, but true, if you're used to the sameness of your condition, you might fear less any change otherwise.

But stable today...less pain.  Coldness in the right ear.


Saying this because for any number of years, I've given up on a lot of ideas of what I would be...this comes with age anyways, anyone who says, 'Curse to anyone who says limitations...'
And the reality were that you may be at times taking afternoon naps, sleeping to mid day, not functioning so well, except waking up and bizarrely doing some crazy life routine that had little to do with last night s burn session.  Isn't it good to get outside?!

Today was good, I didn't feel the sense of contrived in keeping the head up, at least hadn't felt that in awhile.  Contrived as in waking and doing something for the sake of doing something, as in doing something for some awful notion of freedom.  Its been this way fortunately for some time.  I like it even if I burn.  My pain literally is  more like a sunburn on the exterior at times, and subtle intense on the interior at times, but nothing like years before when reeling on a floor for what should be as intense as cluster headaches (albeit without light sensitivities).

There is something provided by the simplicity of much of this, and this is present time...

more difficult to think of future time, and easier to live in the moment.  Fortunately if PTSD applied I weren't so fearful of the future either in letting present time pass in thought dwelling to the potentiality of some fear ridden future.

4/30

Pain intensities steeply declined...been off nicotine for several days...cut out my caffeine consumption likewise.  My energy levels are a lot better, and my mind is clearer. 

5/4

So I debate and wonder whether this exposition ended at 4/30.  No not necessarily, but I am not sure what more to say here on this topic at the moment either.  My mind feels different then the state that it were in a day or so ago, relative to the previous days before it, but mostly I could use the characteristic word composed in thought.  Experiencing a bit of cabin fever likewise which I like, or at least feel like when I were younger.   For the future, I have a garden, more haphazardly drawn out, but there...

or for the future, I think of the present much of the time...since future dwelling...I used that ugly word punctuality the other day :) ... if invoked so much to the exclusion of present time seems amiss to the practical existence, or existing.  Recalling this sort of culture shock, yes, and when the safari ends, who relates that well, maybe a few acquaintances?!

Today I find my way to a bar and grab a beer, or at least sneaking one in, telling myself with the sort of concerned discipline I'd have merely one, this is not merely just a beer but a quadruple Belgian ale, several times the potency of watery ones nearby, and among other varieties whose stores were aged in Rum barrels, or bourbon ones.

For the mother's main belated birthday dinner, went to a Brazilian buffet, although I hadn't had the chance of enjoying meat since I were vegetarian, but nonetheless, mixing in cold mussels with a mix of Mediterranean fares and pasta with a mojito, followed up by Coconut Flan...feeling happy.

5/5

  I tend to think along associations which have its downsides and limitations...being much apriori.  I like to do things more spur of the moment if I can, or at least changing thoughts on a destination in midstream without so much rhyme or reason..but I've changed a bit over the years.  Context to an article, cryptics at least.

Wondering about the changes in seasons?!  The coughing crew seems a bit stalled out, maybe its politics?!

5/6

Admittedly not the best at physical exercising...or could be better.   I like walking at present more then running.  Took a hike today, snapped some photos, getting outdoors, rejuvenating...neither too excessive as I've read suggested here, or too little, finding some balance hopefully.  I've mentioned alcohol consumption here on occasion. Generally very rare for me to consume more then 4 drinks in a night, and mostly I like to keep at one drink, generally maximum on the weekends.  I don't use drugs really of any sort and resort to pain killers fever reducers for the sake of temporary illnesses.  The chronic stuff I've generally just tried to ride the course and deal with it...generally in the past I've gone as long as couple years completely dry in so far as drinking.  In terms of drug use, Nicotine and caffeine are probably the bigger offenders, probably the past couple of years the more frequent of usage (ranging at a maximum of a pack a day) for no more then 1 week in duration before a much longer duration of cessation.  Cessation periods (during my most frequent usage bouts) typically might last several weeks to months on end.  My longest period of cessation ranging at several years in length.  I've found that its easier to quit the sooner that you've started a habit, relative to the longer in having established patterns in habits, both in terms of physical habituation and in terms of substance addiction.  The patch or gum helps some, while e cigarettes maybe another alternative.  The biggest challenge to habits for me have been kicking physical habituated rituals associated herein:  smokes during breaks, during bouts of conversations and/or associated stimuli, and especially during meals.  The patch or gum can help on these sorts of issues, and then I've found dealing with substance issues later has helped me.  I've also gone cold turkey any number of times...first few times are tough to deal with especially if you're habit is well established over the course of any time (years as opposed to days or weeks), but conditioning to this sort of response makes for easier survival on any future round.  Downtime on cold turkey cessation ranges at around 72 hours, for me ranging from loss of energy, cloudiness in thinking, grouchiness, and so forth. 
While having a growing sweet tooth especially cutting out things like alcohols if you've tended to consume these beverages more regularly (and especially when cutting out nicotine and caffeine), I've generally try to keep purchases and/or sweets laying around on a non regular basis...I do purchase, I just don't purchase perhaps in highly regular ways...instead if going for sweets...I tend to eat these in raw fruits , fruit juices (V8 Fusion...not the other one...), also tend to go for V8 Juices itself, sweetened cereal grain products, yoghurt, and the like.  This isn't to say I don't eat cookies or sweets, I just don't eat these regularly...  I've found that food could at times predominate as a stimulus to compensate for loss in other stimulations...helps keeping a balance in the activities of one's daily life to account for life style changes I imagine here.  Honestly while I might eat my share of frozen foods...I don't consume fast foods much at all...last time I ate McDonalds were months ago.  Generally if I eat buffet foods, it would be Indian, and some Asian types...if I go to American style buffets (I load up on salad stuff), avoid the desert bar, and go for fruits and cottage cheese.  Also love eating nuts...especially compensating for loss in meat proteins.  On the upside to sweets consumption...if you are feeling depressed the quicker burning carbs may prove beneficial as an anti depressant, so I am not a big fan of no sweets what so ever...

Honestly though I've been fortunate to also live in a generally low stress environment...neither suffering from work related stress, or sleep loss related stress.  During times of pain, I actually increase my uptake of sleep to around 10 to 12 hours (although I don't track this methodically so don't quote), and when I am in less pain, I generally sleep less possibly.  If I have good sleep cycles, natural pain killers I believe are generally emitted which tend to deaden a lot of pain.

   People run with the Crispy little puns...curious to know why people could be this sick :) ?!

5/11

Sort of agree with some opinions regarding mental state and a self ownership to that state or sometimes lack thereof.   At times you may have the proclivity to read into so much grandiosity of your condition and experience...most rarely encounter this subject matter in their lives, or the condition of being subject of all powerful and overwhelming force...save being caught in a tsunami, earthquake, volcano, tornado, hurricane.  This condition of experience could be extended to the personal sense, what about the survivors of severe accidents, you know the lone survivor of horrific plane crashes, or even auto accidents?  From this point, being a survivor and stepping out into the world, maybe so inclined to see a point of reason in survival.  For some the experience of tragedy, might have extended to a set of internal fabrications, only in roundabout ways the truth seems to leak out over the course of time.  Honestly though excluding much psycho babble, I have to say I feel I have sadly witnessed this drama in a way.   Yes sometimes good people suffer, and yes sometimes bad people are rewarded seemingly...although I am a believer in eternal justice, so I think its a bit elusive to say that bad people are rewarded.

   By the way when you aren't there so well, you aren't there, its tougher functioning, its tougher being the sort of individual that wakes up and goes into the world doing what others do and what others relate to in doing.  That is sadly where the I don't understand you so well glances come from or I might have sensed this, or I might have projected this?!  Some might have told you in so many words without saying or having it said it less politely, "You're done!"  But then you sort of chuckle and say to yourself, hmm expected as much, and this is where something of internal resilience exists in mind...or you hoped to imagine your mind as an iron will in its own right.  But then you also remind yourself soberly, to get up and lead a sober functioning, despite the surreal aftermath that might have brought about some mental fatigue.  Had you had a nervous breakdown when things were really going tough, or did you have one when things were actually going so much easier?  Were the cortisols in your bloodstream at lower levels, and did you feel now that you might have caught up that long needed catching up?!    Honestly I think I have much to be thankful for though in terms of ease here, despite...  generally speaking I have been kept awake in pain for a day or so straight.  Sometimes life is difficult... live a good life, a peaceful life, and hopefully you'll be blessed rightly for it.  Hope to have brighter days ahead anyway. 

Seems like much of the world is known at a distance.
  
I used to think for awhile that introspection were quite dangerous...why?!
Filling the space with long monologues is un necessary if seemingly it ends where it should have ended a long time ago.

This were in stating a condition a state of being, and then having much desire, another part which were desire sets about emotive filtering, crying silently or less silently where does this go?!  You might have spent much time discussing this when you were lucid enough to have existential self awareness?!  I wanted to say your self is somewhere defined in part by self awareness, by a collection of experiences, of self consistent patterns of being, of genetics...of assigned weightings that would produce likelihoods of patterns of being this or that.  You couldn't be drawn away from your mental illness as in neither being you, because you clearly had a memory of experience drawn from it...but hadn't it seemed like a foreign something were in you?!  And how do I define you, as you or anything that weren't exactly you...you were taught to believe that much were indigenous originating in you, but you may find in some future, that thoughts could be implanted in you or even that your thoughts could be read, and if you were given memories that weren't you, or thoughts that weren't originally your own, this couldn't be assigned to you as indigenously occurring....that obviously weren't you at least.  

I wonder though that the real you, is more as in structures of metaphysical and philosophical thinkings, more like, you were a state of being, guided in many ways, by something that were greater then you, you wouldn't feel warm inside or function as well, might be as limp as a rag doll, its just the perception of you as independent were born of what you had known only and could scarcely fathom without because it were there all along.  Inside you were lurking the subtle and the less then subtle.  The subtle in me trembles a bit for some odd reason fearing...love is a good thing, and we all need this I imagine, and then sometimes I wonder what free will is here?!  I am not sure here...I guess I wonder as to the degree of mutability that exists in the degree of "I" that I am.  If you were a shared consciousness, you wouldn't think of "I" so much in the distinction of a body that "I" occupy. There must be something primary enough in our awareness though?!  At least how should we without cognisance do something simple as:  fixing food to eat, have the instinct towards self preservation.  It seems much higher level functioning, or social functioning would certainly come later in our evolution, alongside speech, alongside written language.  Without a formed coherent memory and identity, being able to operate in the context of communicating with the world would be chaotic and difficult, without coherent memories and identity, we cease to function at a basic level and require the care of others that are functioning.  In varying degrees it would seem the integrated whole of "I" is one that should seem subtle enough...have you ever sensed a personality shifting in another person?!  I imagine our minds are gifted enough to sense without a word being spoken, the degree of the formed sense of others.  We communicate through our faces, our demeanour, gestures, before we have spoken words, and when we have spoken, even the way that we speak provides a distinction of the our existence, and amazingly it seems that we are able to read all of this in fairly short order.  Mostly though it is our sense of another well enough that provides some sense of expectation of how they might act.  If we know them well enough, we may sense their worry and angst, long before they have uttered a word.   Then stating coherence in memories applies in many ways here, both in terms of long term and short term sense.  From the perspective of loss though, I imagine it would be hard to know what we have lost when we have lost it...loss of memory may not be step like in nature, neither fully transparent as in having awoken as an amnesia patient, or as I've read in some documented instances, somnambulists that should nearly have lived for a time another life and identity, is this possible?!  Mostly memory loss seems to me like integrated and continuous where the subtle passages of loss are known in our daily collective communications...someone reminds you of something that you had long forgotten, for instance...and you realize how subtle the passing of this memory were, or at least having gone to some deeper recess.  Anyway, how could you know what you lost, only if you hadn't known you ever lost something?!

Now I wonder if I am too dry and verbose much of the time....  I had the "Rites of Spring" in mind some time ago, but then I realize I am not so good, or at least fear being to emotional.  Maybe its something mid western in me.  My family at times could be yellers or at least heated and passionate, while I was never much this way personally.  I don't like wearing the heart on the sleeve.  I think I like the Pacific better then the Atlantic ocean, but its perspective, cyclones rarely hit our west coast on that side, or at least this should be extremely rare.  I prefer Abstraction relative to Romanticism in composition I think.  I am the opposite of Rousseau.  I am static much of the time, and traumatized by the dramas in my past.  I venture quietly often in small steps, and at times now I think this isn't exactly true, or maybe my memory were selective enough here?!

5/13

I resumed a bit of nicotine consumption yesterday.  Sort of testing to see if something might be the same.  Seems like pain levels were slightly heightened again.  Chewing nicotine gum again.   Again will quit nicotine to see if there is less pain.  I'd mention of the distinction in pain, literally as in some cases of travelling outside a city and into another, or at least it should seem this way,
But nothing like what should feel were mental assaults years ago... ?!  Sometimes I wonder if there is this primitive medieval thinking that arises like, the soil that you walk on is tainted, or certain persons are tainted, or your food is tainted?!  :)



5/15

Better today regarding the pain as of recent.

Some crazy stuff that's happened to me in the past.

I felt like an entity were in me...  the entity made the sun feel like it was  close to my face one day when I were sitting outside.

There seemed to be an association between this entity and nearby chickens clucking wildly in a nearby neighbor's yard in a certain place where I once lived.

I once got teased by this entity to "cry the right tears".

While it were raining outside, this entity made it feel like the rain were occurring also inside the car with the windows rolled up.

I have had some experiences where my perceptions of sound changed...acoustic hypersensitivity.

I know in a way that I would sound totally off my rocker, but I'll speak...like there were at times connections between a entity (or entities) and the weather...as in being surrounded by wall clouds at times or dealing with heavy torrential rains...not sure if this were me imagining as in association of mental ordeal and any connection, or literally some being that were hot under the collar. 

Some of these entities act very animal like in nature, and some are more human like...they seem to communicate as in a telepathic nature and can manifest in a such a way to move or stir things physically around, or at least for instance walking in circles around a heating vent in an attic...at least seemingly suggesting that, perhaps, such entity is a venting heater(?) and simultaneously suggesting a thought in mind regarding a certain subject matter that I would clarify also in mind weren't exactly right as suggested.

Some of these entities seemed like a very mean bugs to me, and some at least in dealing with me are much nicer.   :)

Otherwise, I'd be considered mentally ill which sort of seems right...things have been better in the past few days or so, so I am happier.

I use the word entity in describing something which seems quite foreign to the self that I would describe as I that were differed from the conscious thoughts and actions of the other(s).  

I end up describing on note describing things which seem to go individually well beyond my control here or at least at times must seem overwhelming, and then strangely and absurdly enough, my life is otherwise boringly tame :)... I mean a Saturday night could consist of a bit of mental craziness at times while sitting and watching another episode of How its Made.

As of recent had been inclined to stay in on much of the time, not really venturing out much or having so much desire to get out, but honestly I couldn't characterize social isolation as a good either.  Feel like damaged goods as of late...I mean living at home with the folks still, turning 40 this year...for all practical purposes look like a crazy loser, but I avoid much comparisons on this point.  You have the blessing of being alive at least.

5/16

The consequence of writing here... one feels more inclined to say that this forms some sort of expressed liability in writing, that is, for the purpose and excuse of much to be made extending well beyond the scope of what experience is like.  To this extent, it is also serving to social propaganda unfortunately in some form?!  If social politics were somehow a connection point here...maybe the pain were political more so in some fashion?!  The greatest pain I literally endured were under the Bush administration, not the Obama administration...of course, you say to yourself rightly in a sane and sensible democracy, no one should suffer any more or less because of political affiliations (caveat, unless you were living El Savador or some central American country that were generally backed by then Neo con republicans engaged in proxy ideological wars worldwide, or at least in this particular region of the central Americas...in so many right wing nazis, the world were more polarized left and right in these days supposedly, and maybe we find out some twenty years in the future, the nastiness of our present times?!).  No sensibly, politics shouldn't matter so much, and then any event, I would have considered myself neither in any clear holding of preference what so ever.  Technically if made an agenda or purposed example here, extending beyond what people consider acceptable in a democracy, everything you say and do as a targeted enemy of peoples is in its own right a warrant of suspicion?  Generally speaking though your refrain and caution is by way of considering the mentally ill in this case, or what serves as mental illness and the rights afforded here.  Then reminded so many years ago, when having voted that in the state of Kansas a supposedly old antiquated state constitutional law were balloted for legislative removal...in this case, the mentally ill deemed fit enough to make for sensible vote.  Minding that you were dealing with the crowd that strategically solicits their Cable Dahmer car dealership ads, or places calls like Jeff Overman to the house?  Then I remember hearing this strange voice while suffering so many years ago, as though shuffled in the fray of the circus:  'Is he a political?'  Yes, and were it like some spiritual bureaucracy here, or at least you felt your name consigned to some hell of anonymity.  You were then waiting to hear something of the "idiocracy' code level ed here, the man with the flame thrower is just a temporary bypass, and anyway, you'd hear some rash claiming this were part of the self serving act and topically speaking straying on a ramble in the course of the conversation merely illustrated thoughts.  To be legitimately heard were not merely expressing truth in a litany of delusions and digressions in any event?  So many years ago, instead choosing neither to involve oneself in the course of writing what so few were read except maybe for the purposes of data mining of the some fifty thousand plus hits, I am reminded I am my only subscriber, and that is telling isn't it?

5/16

Curious to know about a supreme court justice's broadcast advertisement for a children's book...she seemed a little emotional in her presentation there.

Spin this as sexual repression or something else?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101597/

There's another horror film that seems to suggest between the lines of ambiguity something here...or at least a woman disappears in the closet to awaken on a hellish other side with no escape at the films conclusion.  Metaphors abound on this one. 

5/25

Not sure how to interpret this one.  Not sure if its coincidence, or if I had written this before, if you wanted weirdness in dreams, a dose of nicotine before bed, or sometimes eating and then going right to bed after words seems to evoke these sorts of weird dream events.

The Dream:

I am in this mall that I hadn't recognized before.  Someone gets mad at me for some reason or other and starts throwing saw blades at me.  One bounces of me while I dodge the others, not really injured, but figured that I should probably call the police.  After the weird phone call, a handful of paces away from the dude throwing circular saw blades at me.  The FBI shows up with DNA sampling material.  They ask me to submit a sample...here I hold this light solution of brine, not sure why I am to give the sample here.   Strangely enough though for the samples, a group of everyone gathered in the mall are giving samples now and spitting into these large spittoon containers from which weird jellyfish like translucent structures emerge.  Then a woman that I hadn't recognized guides me to the refill station for samples administration which happens to be a toilet.  At this point, I know something is seriously wrong so I go to leave the mall.  Here a large crowd has filled near the point of entrance.   For some reason I had the impression they were practicing for the Olympics.  Despite this impending fear that I am being also impeded in leaving, I manage to find my way outside the malls entrance.  Here I head to the parking garage.   I had it in mind my parent's were waiting in a nearby adjacent parking garage.  At some point, I am not sure if owing to lapse in memory or given that this were a dream, and causality get thrown out the door, I end up in a bar or bookstore, not sure which.    I am surrounded by a crowd of people muttering something to me...I see the name Lavoisier or the name crosses my mind...I don't know what this means though?!  Then suddenly this strange muppets like creature covered head to toe in a black sweater clinging to me.  I don't know where in the dialogue or mention comes up, but something about reality comes up, and I mention the sky.  The strange creature, says, "I control the sky".  At this point the sky turns dark, and then suddenly this circus like carousel appears.  I am hearing this game show styled production of a song which mentions St. Peter.  I wake up.  Sort of gazing around though to make sure that I am not having one of those 'lucid dreams'.   :)

Dream analysis (of my own interpretation):

A lot of these trip acid dreams (never used the stuff in my life, don't plan on it either)...seem closer in proximity to recent entertainment stuff.   For instance I watched 'Time Bandits' yesterday...the game show theme seems like a variation of 'Its your money, or your life!', and, of course, religious metaphors abounding in the movie seem to provide something of sub conscious influence here.  I had in mind a creature from Dr.  Seuss, or the Lorax which I only have the most vague familiarity at least for the dark creature...then it crossed my mind, the phoneme of Seuss with Zeus, how strange these things are.  Hence the 'I control the sky' coupled with nearby impressions of weather events, some how placing something more dark in mind.  Strange to see this coupled with my mind, in the sense of significance, or at least if the impressions were more lasting.    Then Ogre, in the myth of legends comes up, coincidentally watched the film North Face, set in WWII during Nazi Germany around climbers making a failed attempt at the north face of Eigerwand.  Here, the mountain is seen more ominously as the devouring ogre...nothing in my dream seems to substantiate anything of these running thoughts or at least a connectivity to dreams.   Nothing of this, however, suggests other then in placement some personal connectivity in sequence to events here, other then by way of environmental influences?!  However, prior to something of the dreams revelations (or the last of recollections in memory of this dream), other aspects seem more puzzling me.  The thrown circular saw blades, for instance...I think sometimes in terms of homonyms aspects of word variations.  For saw (as in blade) could be also interpreted saw (as in the past tense of seen).  Here I could offer my sense of the dream as in the procession of the exterior mind coupled with the more subtle less understood, and more deeply less controlled sub conscious mind.  The exterior mind seems more like in the operable sense the mind of logic centers, the mind reacting under duress, for instance, working more so in the parameters of reality.  Of course, it would seem more logical that I were acting as I would have thought in a woken reality, for instance, calling the police.  Owing to whatever continuities, the exterior were reacting to the set of dream discordance naturally as in the procession that something were amiss in reality to any number of events, clearly seeking as in the sense of evasion, but faced with something more impending.  Here more ominously I think of death here, or at least my own mortality.  Journey through a Burning Brain from Tangerine Dream, or Salvador Dali and the melting clock, and so forth in some sort of loose connection.  I wake up, and my brain feels like it is burning.

It is neither the typical dream that I should have or even in the interior sense common to the impressions that I would have expected...why so?!  It is hard to see popular art, or art in general so much in effect to the subconscious impressions that would normally would have existed in mind, or in having revisited at least.

---
How do we do things exactly right though?  Do we provide selective presentations of ourselves, the presentation that we wish others to see, versus unadulterated presentations?

The dream seemed in a way a surface set of impressions.

Normally I wouldn't have mentioned all of this.

I am not sure what to be embarrassed about in providing a journal, or at least I see no shame in it.

Do we hide behind of our fear of showing ignorance?  Of disdain for any attempt at intelligence even if it failed on many points.  We write of ourselves in preoccupation to preserve career, or inventing something of ourselves?  Could I be susceptible in the same ways in writing?

In general the truth of dreams for me were that I don't recall them so often.  At least this one seemed particularly funny and frightening at the same time.  

My dreams are particularly embarrassing at times because at least I couldn't control one as in the waking state desire that I might have in constructing one.  But isn't this the truth for most?!
Honestly though the sexual dreams are the toughest for me to discuss openly for this reason, not that readers want to read these sorts of things, or that one should feel ashamed of being judged for it.  In this case, I displace the origins to the foreign, even though something to the contrary might exist.
In fairness to the reader that knows, omissions existed because of embarrassment, and then I realize now maybe it were lack of descriptive capabilities coupled with now frosted glass having collected over the window of now opaque memories in recollection.  I don't know how quickly I forget things.
:)

6/1/13

    Hmm another 'Come fire walk with me' session.

6/2/13
 
    Parent's having trouble with direct deposit payments suddenly (with pension account), no problems for years.  I was thinking out the previous years power outages...calm day weather wise yesterday, but electricity was spiking around...then it seems in a way any number of things are different, you know cars breakdown suddenly more often.  To some extent one should wonder why in all of this?

You think karma is bad, but then there is also human nature...and then there's supposedly a democracy. By the way, I am not your weather god...  :)  Rofl, knocking one's electricity accomplishes what?  As does anything else?!  :)

Music writing projects

Sort of doing the journal of stuffs done here and where I've left off until the next round.  Figured I'd do this since this can provide some benefits to those unfamiliar with Ableton and functions.

4/14/13

I started on the premise of working with a dominant moog synth sound.  Was looking for a gritty/square dominant sound.  This time I didn't feel like searching ableton synth banks, but I wanted to explore the Kurzweil V.A.S.T. sound architecture libraries to figure out if I could model the sound then sample import this into Ableton.  As it turns out I started with an existing kurzweil sound then modified this (using square oscillators coupled with a couple of keymap filter changes).  I sampled this merely arming the desired track for audio input, and collected a few second sample (really all that were needed for sample).  In this case, I used sampler instrument, and dragged the desired audio sample in the sample instruments sound bank.  I then did a number of things:
  Setting the sample for repeat on Loop, and then using a repeat on filter.  Then creating for an added oscillating effect different start points (one for starting the loop and then a start point for the loops repetition).  I then added yet another loop repeat on the envelope filter itself...in this case setting for time in milliseconds (as opposed to bpm measure time).  Generally I like the action of the moog to have just a slight sustain (usually no more then 1/2 a second), but anything less can provide a choppy feeling on key play if you haven't trained yourself on sustain holding the notes or hadn't felt compelled to run with the sustain pedal rapidly on a given cadence.  Also may be important to reference is using a sound sample gathered outside key of C to make note of this and accordingly set this key in transposition on the sampler instrument  (especially if you are using a sample that contains more then just single notes and outside of say the key of C Major or whatever).
    Did add an auxilliary oscillator likewise...experimented a little with volume modulation (using a sine wave), but here for the model that I were desiring to achieve it would seem adding this sort of modulation is nearly like adding an arpeggio when it becomes predominant in effect.  Thought about 'aging' the sound by giving a slight pitch warble which could also be accomplished by using the same lfo filter setting its amount relative low in points (something like 1-10 out of 100 in scale maybe) and then setting the lfo frequency low enough so that the oscillation is scaling around 150-250ms (?).  Generally I wanted the sound to be highly responsive in play, meaning little latency to sound from the time sound is played, really in the attack range of a piano for a classic synth lead, but I wanted this synth meaty sounding...I've found for this type of buzzing sound 2nd to 3rd octaves were generally the hottest range where the lowest became quite in audible for the given sample.  The advantage of sampling here is that the process of running the sample I believe runs the sample at different frequencies at different rates (default setttings) both in terms of frequency and wavelength time signatures.  The advantage of this is that what sounds clean and less buzzy in high frequency ranges, tends to become buzzier as one goes into lower frequency ranges for a given sample which provided to be an added advantage relative to the less gritty cleaner sound that the kurzweil produced in the same octave range.  Experimented with both low and high pass filters, but generally felt the rawer sample sound more dominant, and that filtering was subtractive to the sound.  So after playing with the sound to a given rhythm.  I then had a few more things to work with.

   The rhythm left with me with the desire for producing something fairly mechanical as they were especially at the given tempo (around 60-80 bpm) or at least the feeling here were that I didn't want to much of a humanized expression on play.  I did have an added consideration here.  I wanted the effect to be like an arpeggio on the synth lead but I didn't want to work arpeggiators which tend to note time length restrict or at least switching between multiple timings here on a lead could require more work toggling between time signatures (say 1/8 to 1/16 then going to 1/4 and so forth), so instead another solution went as follows.  The lead itself would entirely be unison (easy enough to toggle on the voice allotment of the sampler instrument).  Next I wanted to make sure (for the mechanical feeling) having notes played at a consistent velocity, so I added a velocity midi effect on the sampler instrument which would ensure each note were played the same in terms of velocity maps.  Next I added a midi note length effect.  This providing a couple of nice things...one ensuring that a sustain on each note is automatically generated without having to adjust the envelopes (you can do this either in terms of millisecond timing or in measure timing so that you are playing each time precisely say a 1/8, 1/4, 1/2, or whole note nothing less and nothing more).  The advantage of all these things tends to produce a very quantized feel but without the restriction of being exactly quantized on the 'piano roll' of the given clip.
The nice aspect of running unison on the synth lead is that despite having fixed midi note lengths, anything quantized less then the note length is subject to time signature truncation.  Meaning that you could produce any note length less then the ascribed midi note length as long as you have unison set  on the sampler instrument (note: this could apply equally in the case of 2 or more voices where a series of notes exceeded the voice length for the given midi note length set, but this has a smearing interval/chording sustain effect which could produce a less dominant synth lead also if one weren't careful in writing or producing).  So in essence I could restrict to a form of quantization here.  Fixing the note length would ensure that notes sound like they were played with quantized precision because the sustain on the notes timed less then the sustain of the overall note length were such to end at any time were the beginning of the next note would occur in pattern...this is to say a lead that could be produced that were cleanly unison note patterns where one note would precisely in to the sound of the next note with no varied empty sound between notes.  Technically though, one hadn't need lead with precise timing precision here, or in other words, I didn't and didn't want to quantize the lead on the 'piano roll' since the other gap would fill the other aesthetics problem.   In this way I knew the the melody pattern that I wanted to write, but I also wanted to ensure that the lead would sound dominant in mind especially relative to other synth leads that I could recall in mind that I were attempting to model in some manner.  If you think about natural acoustic instruments, you'd find any number (and even more percussive ones may have natural acoustic resonances) have natural sustains.  Any sustain itself leaves a resonance often times between one note to the next, however, precise the person were playing the instrument.  Often times, however, in electronic instruments, nothing of natural acoustic reverberation is built into (outside of electronic piano/tines like the Rhodes or other instruments like this I'd guess...and technically the rhodes is basically what the electric guitar is to a guitar...sustain and reverberation built captured through the electromagnetic pickups are likely through the mass of the body of the instrument and less relating to its acoustic properties ??), unfortunately without a reverb placed on the instruments, it seems that some one playing these instruments might feel a "choppy" time discordant effect.  Using some of the steps above may alleviate this feeling or you could experiment, as I have done adding slight sustain on envelope filters coupling this with a little reverb and a little delay.

Other aspects were working with similar but variations of synth leads sounds here for the project.  At this point may let stuff sit, not sure exactly what I want to do next, since the lead itself is great for part of the song itself, but I wanted this as a part and not an incessant refrain. 

4/20

Sort of running synopsis of past week.  Biggest highlights were working with creating a custom drum rack.  Part of this involved constructing/finding synth sounds that I felt could be used in the context of suiting a percussive melody...this bit of inspiration probably comes most from Drum and Bass genres...here notably I could think of highlights here in the context of lower ocatve tones frequenting in the 1 second gate length range (or thereabouts), but I've found that these could be used in versatile fashion in many different octave ranges (here I'd chosen something like the 3rd octave)...although in some instancing the actual synth sounds were toned perhaps in the second octave range.  I chose to experiment one (having a lot less experience) with the Collision instrument in ableton live, but instead of choosing a pre set sound customizing from the generic start which incidentally sets at a gate length sound at around 100 ms(?)...I extended this and then pitched the tone to the desired octave range indicated above.  Procedurally I worked the same from basic synth sounds using the Analog instrument as well.  In some cases simplifying the harmonics of the instrument working with 1 oscillator instead of two, toggling unison (for added sound clarity and prominence)...I've found for 'softness' in the sound Sine oscillators tend to be less harsh relative to square and saw waveforms, while these provide nice edging and sharpness in other cases.  Next, on the drum rack for the inserted sound. while the default sound produced are all keyed to C3, creating simple melody type percussive patterns could be done simply varying the played note (note: not the note trigger on the controller)...in this case, simply altering for each the synth instrument on the drum rack to trigger on say a minor or major scale...in my case, I worked with triggers using something simple like D3, E3, F#3, and G#3.  One could repeat load this into the drum rack and procedurally extend this to much range of added note scaling opening possibilities for many variations of melody patterns thus on the drum rack...you might ask yourself what's the difference between loading the same instrument individually into midi tracks and recording individually the pattern themselves, and generally you could do this albeit.  This method provides a different intuitive  hands on approach to working across a spectrum of synthesizers for a given melody/interval/chorded expressions at least an avenue that I were wanting to explore here.  Secondly.  as I've done in the past to give rise to quick hands on approach to rhythm variations here, I've resorted to the monosequencer (max live midi instrument) a nice tool.  I'd mention for the equivalent of triplets, doublets, or any higher order rapidly timed notes, the repeat on the pattern grid useful.  In one particular song/session instance, repeating the same rhythm session clip from scene to scene but instead scene recording to a specific pattern on the mono sequence, or in the envelope filter adjusting the monosequencers clip pattern at specific time intervals on the quantization grid...thus extending further pattern variations even found on pattern array of the monosequencer itself.  Much produced here I'd offer were generally through experimentation simply finding the rhythms while making adjustments in the micro and macroscopic sense which could have included anything from changing step sequence values say from 1/16 to 1/8, or perhaps even lower.  Likewise, while adjusting either the envelope filters on the synths themselves or adding midi note length instruments on the synth sound to adjust the note gate length...in most cases I looking for a medium between glitch and blur.  Sometimes I've found it intuitive to work with simplified basic instrument sounds (as in the case of the analog and collision synths) and then expand from there making adjustments in refining the sound that I were looking for.  If you are interested in sound sampling, I'd offer there are several ways of recording looped samples.  As in the case of experimenting with melody patterns that aren't so much textural in orientation, perhaps, recording the midi pattern (if working with actual ableton instrument) sounds have worked for me the most.  In this case, I've found two particular easy paths to recording the sample.  One involves the audio instrument effect bar loop recorder, or alternately toggling View>In/Out on particular audio channel so that it is set to receive audio from say the master as opposed to directly from ASIO sound card source, thus enabling the played synth sound to be recorded to an audio track (where specific time intervals aren't easily quantifiable in terms of 1,2,3,4 bars or in some easy quantitized subdivision).  The other aspect of experimentation with sounds themselves especially in sound texturing involves changing the warp length rate of the sound sample...which adjusting the warp type on the sample to any number of things:  complex, beat, texture, and so forth.  Also adding to this experimenting on the sound samples envelope filters, for interesting pitch modulation which on the quantitization grid can add sometimes interesting step sequence pitch shifting...try this working with a vocal sample for instance to see this effect (as I've heard at times in electronic, dance, and various music genres).  Another interesting feature that I've liked in the past is auto filtering on individual instruments themselves, producing the effect of softening or breaking the sound...which leads to the effect of breaks in play on the song itself having and to the effect of dynamism in the play of the song.

I've relegated myself mostly as of recent to writing what I would consider the snapshots of songs (or short stories) in terms of lengths here.  The nice approach I've found here is that one could potentially expand upon this at some other time if desired, but having provided an approach as in writing that neither extends ambition to the frustration of writer's block, or in other words, I've found working in the simplest of construction to an idea, and then extending this in series could be of aid.  This is not any different from starting from a simple set of logical premise and then branching ideas from this point, or in other words, if you can write the short story, this could lead to the novella which in turn could lead to the novel (consider, for instance, writers that have strung together short stories into a tapestry representing a novel), or at least a start for gaining some sense of experience in writing here.

5/9

Moving slower on everything right now, mostly working midi, but also found some other interesting features in ableton namely...if you wanted generic rhythm volume modulation, instead of drawing in envelope filters by hand here or even resorting to templates of these in the generic beat signature sense (1 bar, 1/2, 1/4, 1/8, and so forth), you can select 'beat' as a filter type on the audio samples view.  Here you can select one of the following signatures mentioned above), otherwise custom envelopes would be drawn by hand...if you want 0 crossfading between one beat to the next, you'd set the filter to 0 which produces a square/step function type amplitude from note to note on the sample, as opposed to a more sine based amplitude where cross fading is set to max.  Playing more with more with self generated samples (using Ableton instrument synthesis) then warp transforming these to produce a variation on the sound which were much harder to replicate through synthesis outside of the sampler instrument.  Also another favorite of mine is to texturally build sounds especially on certain types of repetitive keys, by adding the under the audio instrument effects, using the Insta mix (beat looper) package, coupling this with a regular 1 bar looper...usually I like to midi route to a foot controller where I can use the insta mix looper like a sustain pedal, here this could seem like a timed delay to the ear, but gives much more versatility and live control relative to hand adding something like pong delays or any sort of echo effect outside of well defined controller access.  The 1 bar or multi bar looper instrument effect is nice to have handy since you neither need to arm a track and reroute for audio sample recording which could possibly disrupt a sound texture find.  Once recorded you can drag samples from the multi bar loop recorder to any open audio slot in session view, or to a sampler/simpler instrument.  Its easy with an instrument to build many different types of sound textures which is nice especially if you are working on the lines of sound symmetry and congruities.  

5/10

Timing

I've set about deliberate writing some things that weren't conformed much at all to tempo, and other things that were.  Mindful that when I've worked within banks of audio files I've found most to be conformed in the sense of tempo in the flat sense of the word. 

Thus when recording with instruments, I've found it especially useful to have tempo/metronome s used in establishing time signatures before hand.  This one prevents trying to warp squeeze any audio/midi file into the conformed quantization space or creating any added work in adjust aligning things, if this were considered a problem to engineering.  Generally in the past when I worked with analog machines...8 track back then, owing to track limitations, I'd find myself recording to the max 6 tracks for drum tracks and then one guitar scratch track.  Leaving an empty master bump down track open for the mix down.  Why did I do this?  The guitar scratch was there merely for time cue purposes...worth noting that when having played back then on drums, I hadn't worked so much with metronomes, the inclinations between drummer and musicians were such that human feedback would inevitably lead to change in tempos during performance, or in other words the song might be played faster and faster as time wore on, or to the contrary depending on cadences.  Unfortunately with repeating rhythms without cues at such times, we the sound engineers found that determining song structure to drum rhythms alone weren't enough...thus the guitar scratch track became an important queue factor here.  Of course, you could use a similar method in modern DAW sound engineering.  Establishing and maintaining queue control of timing is important, or at least this could make for much less work on your project with decent enough organization. 

In Ableton, this were equally true if you started to work structures of song into component parts as opposed to a recorded entirety.  For example, record a song in one single take.  Assuming your musician or you the musician did a good take, this could be an optimal way of recording a track, but now try recording the song in component parts, that is, subdivide the recording into sessions.
You might have more difficult chaining the timing between component parts here either in session or arrangement view?!  And especially when working with these parts called 'Clips' you might have found the time that you pushed the start button for the record to the time that the clip were ended included silent spaces that hadn't needed to be attended to in the single take instance.  Also without adequate timing, you might have noticed another problem popping up, the clip weren't so well conformed to the quantization grid!  Seeming a little larger scale of problem since you might select on the quantization grid 'narrowest' to refine an approximated search to optimize as close as you could to a given loop interval, or you would have spared yourself all of this problem recording on tempo in Ableton firstly because recording on tempo establishes the pattern more conformed to the quantization grid, and you could easily drag warp markers, or start and stop markers to the points on the grid corresponding to the clips start and stop, and more easily you could compute based on time signatures the length of the clip for chain automating your session clips!  If you wanted to chain automate entire scenes of clips without having to do this for each clip, you'd right mouse click on the scene itself and choose the 'select all clips' option, here a small little dialog box pops up below the main session grid in the lower left half of your session view.  Then you could enter a time signature value for the length that the scene is to be played, choose 'Next' for the trigger type on the scene (which sets the queue for the next scene to played) and then ensure that this trigger is not randomly assigned but of 100% probability.  While you may be able to manage a triggering a few clips by hand, I've found triggering more clips in scene to automate to a next scene could be problematic here...why?!  If time signature differentials vary less and less between clips but at least have some variance, the problem were that hand triggering scene queues is assigned on first come first serve basis, thus if you had in mind queueing a scene for play off one clip another might interfere with queue timing if it is first in line and you don't know it, or you simply hadn't had enough reaction response time to queue to a given desired clip for the entire scene automation process.  Minding, you could also use the arrangement view alternately for this same process, but the session view provides in some ways a nice live hands on approach to mixing also here. 

Working with Ableton review

    Okay, so I am a bit tempted to comment on Ableton as a music composition and instrument tool, one because I love playing around with these sorts of things, but haven't had modestly speaking a whole lot of production experience...I'd put caveats to this however...since I were a kid I used to love playing around on my old Korg sampling synthesizer (including creating new synth sounds and the like), and I've like to mess around with sound production likewise, having some access to recording equipment.

    I've played around thus far with some DJ production aspects of Ableton which is nice, but have at the moment been more interested in creating my own custom samples/instrument banks and writing material from scratch (although I've liked at times to use percussion/drum samples already constructed and modify these accordingly...and then use some existing sound/texture samples likewise).  Mostly though I've spent time just gaining some familiarity with the set of instruments themselves.  If you had little composition experience (like me), it might help resorting to existing composition sets for structural guidance, or at times working with any sort of template framework which helps a bunch, but then I've been looking for a more free form approach here, not always saying producing within a distinct genre necessarily (if this were the best choice of words).  Here, I've found more often owing to patience and time working from a principal of simplicity...unfortunately, I don't how many times I've run into the problem of sound clutter and sound overload, and then when it seems like novelties wear thin, I don't know if the best rule of thumb from the productions aspect could be more so if inspiration weren't forthcoming right away, or at least when something hadn't for the hundredth time wore one's ears out...or sometimes, I've found walking away and returning to something the next day sometimes can be an excellent test here?!  Haven't you ever come back to something and asked?  What was I hearing?!  :)

   Anyways for any sort of workstation software that I've ever used, Ableton rocks there.  If you wanted to do stuff with prefabbed stuff, Ableton packs are a good start...albeit I'd say if you hadn't had a whole lot of synth or piano experience, may help to have some music lessons (not that we all couldn't actively keep up with our learning here).  So as a primer to working with synth instruments if this were new territory for you, I'd provide a little advice...sometimes certain composition styles work really well around certain sounds with others (aesthetically) seem not to work as well in terms of tonality and expression...some obvious things you might learn right away...things, like working with pads for pieces that need rapid development where the pads themselves have high attack may not be so good.  :)  Another recommended thing here outside of using created sounds, is to work in creating a sound to an instrument sound that you've heard before, or at least try to approximate it.  This gives you a good working grasp in controlling the sound or shaping it as necessary in terms of a desired composition structure.  Anyways, the good news with modern Synth packages and music production software like Ableton is that there is a lot of versatility.  The bad news is...if you are new, you can get lost easily, or feel intimidated (at least I have at times), but still has been a great experience for me.  I've found myself also recently wanting to create stuff that's mellow to me, and secondly wanting to use incorporate more silence into the structure of my music (often times it seems a lot of modern stuff is quite frenetic these days).

As to music experience personally, nothing formal on my part honestly...generally have worked through scales and stuck with stuff that appeals to me in general, or at least has reminded of other stuff that I've accumulated in terms of listening experience.

I like dorky stuff, and muzak (elevator music) btw.  :)


Some other stuffs that I am working on:

  Step sequencers like the Mono sequencer or nice especially for creating variations on a given rhythmic pattern, or at least this is an added tool.  I've used the Mono sequencer with midi arrangements on kits which can alter an existing rhythm, as well as adding breaks, fills and much else.

   I've found sequencers tend to work well with certain genres of music:  House, Techno, and others.  The cadence structures tend to be rhythmic and in some cases might sound awkward in other types of genres especially where humanized patterns are neither so rigidly defined.  Trying playing a note the same way over a simple beat, and you may be surprised to see variations in velocities alongside slight micro timing differences in terms of cadence (these sorts of effects become noticeable audible to ears often over time).  Sometimes, it may help to simplify and be subtractive as opposed to additive also.  Sequencers on 1/16 timing tend to sound very mechanical while slower ones tending to whole note timing tend to sound less mechanical.  Dropping less notes on the sequencer in a given measure may seem to integrate better with more humanized compositions and structures, unless you have midi recorded structures that are already humanized (either by hand or using midi effects which variate both velocity and micro timing signatures).

If you play in genre, say house, techno, you may find an increased rigidity in terms of timing signature for instruments that are played...the more rigidly structured the cadence is seems to put greater demands on other things like vocals to be recorded more rigidly to such cadence (otherwise, you may sense or feel the difference between the mechanics of a rhythm/melody overlay and the other stuff).  Seems like 1/16 cadence is very common in the stuff that I've worked around when attempting things like House, Techno, and other styles like this...may help when organizing structures using other non synth instruments.

I like arpeggiators but I'd also recommend actually playing them by hand or learning how to play one without mechanical aids.  One its an extension to writing melody patterns and chording.  Chording it seems to me structurally may help to form a backbone to a song, but if you are able to play and work with your own argpeggios, you'd likely be able to extend this into melody pattern writing (not that I am a wizard or anything at this sort of thing ) ...

Hmm so other things... variations of cadence when using alternate sound instrument/structures in the flow of a song may help here...whether setting up break beats or breaks in general.  Breaks can be excellent bridges for otherwise dissonant or cadence disjoint structures.  Really in terms of music theory, it seems if I play note structures either with a similar cadence/pattern wise structure I could move in and out of many different keys from the improvised standpoint but if start to change cadence of notes themselves or keep unsteady tempo and cadence, it becomes quite apparent to the ears.  Thus, I couldn't stress timing more in composition.

Sometimes I personally have found it helpful to work creating what I would call snapshots...instead of writing something entirely at once, maybe you start by writing something really simple as a starter, but you'd tire or find what you had written alone monotonous after the nth time hearing it, so then you delve deeper into compositional structure.  Maybe here if you are working with the simplicity of melody and chord patterns, you work break this by building on chorus (very typical in traditional music for chorus and refrain for structure), or maybe you work towards more dominant structures relative to refrain?!  Sometimes in this regard I've expanded from intervals to chords or 4ths, but adding complexity in terms of 4ths,5ths,6ths,...and so forth start to box you in more terms of progressions (or at least you might find yourself required in having more theory knowledge) to advance likewise.  Sometimes it helps to work within the framework and boundary of existing structures and then work to improvise from these.

Okay so I've talked more about some theory as opposed to Ableton alone on this point, namely, the instruments can help expand in some ways grammar and vocabulary (in terms of composition) but writing these things down in a way that you were looking for can be difficult at times.  Echoing another person in comment, it helps to have knowledge here.  Also helps having a personal library of music that you like in reference also.  I'd also mention while Ableton does provide nice features such as search finding a midi melody and harmony patterns for a given sample.  There can be many ways to harmonize/chord from an existing melody structure.  Thus while Ableton can provide options here...I'd say still having the knowledge of chord structure couldn't be more important.  You might wonder why you ever learned circle of fifths, but at least at some point if you were fiddling around articulating on scales you might have developed something of an ear for the keys and progression here.

5/1

   Relaxing...experimenting with sounds.  Feel like I have much to learn on the sampler instrument as well as I'd like or I'd like it to be able to do other things that I haven't grasped full control over yet.  Namely, without shifting the key of the sample, I'd love to be able to control the speed of the sample...not sure how to do this if it were possible without some MAX instrument interface...which could be another goal since I have a little Python under my belt.   I've worked recently with a new Audio instrument effect called Corpus which I hadn't messed around with so much...which seems like a potential synth collision stack on top of an existing sampler track...hmm...not sure how I feel about it...like it more then ring resonator effects alone (would prefer Collision and Tension instruments before I resorted to this effect) but Corpus has an easier accessible feel relative to tweaking on Tension or Collision, believe its a single variable tone resonator joined with filter types...using for more percussive qualities Membrane.  Also I've felt that Simpler might have some advantages over the Sampler instrument here?!  Namely, when searching larger sample batches and attempting to use a refined partition of a sample, it would seem control scan functions on Simpler are more readily available, hadn't determined if midi assignments, for instance, could be structured similarly in Sampler...thus scanning say at a fixed partials length over the series of the sample itself.  Thus, if you found a particular sample partial segment that you liked, it seems you could in theory transfer this found result to sampler, but you might have to have something of diagnostics provided from Simpler (on say sample start and end times alongside crossfades and anything else which be structured in the partial selection).   Re listening to stuff that I had worked on in the past, sort of amazing myself, since in retrospect now well enough removed from the work leading into, I'd find a whole of things that seem complex enough in listening.   One method leading into a writing exercise that I hadn't thought of before were the collage method here...namely, within a key range, keyed progression, working on a collage of motifs and instrument sounds, then seeing if these might gel into something.  Sometimes it doesn't work out, but sometimes you might be surprised what you are able to produce?! 

On This Day... (very short story)

     Cessiu placed an old cassette into storage.  If it were old photographs, or one manually turned a handle on a device which produced the motions which involved replaying an essence of time, likely she sensed the tomb of a long since buried archive being easily understood.  The old player had broken a long time ago, and the meticulous art of magnetic head cleaning with cotton swabs and alcohol long since had given way beyond even the piled clutter of optics laying in heaps.  It would seem if this were art at first glance, the collections of Rembrandt, Monet, should seem without so much merit.  In ten thousand years the plastics found in media tape, wouldn't these bubble, contort, become less pliable, brittle, likely warp, break and whither, or it should seem, she thought even the long lived materials of media wouldn't.  Tapes had been an analyzed and carefully the tapes were deconstructed in a way, like turning fragile leaves that would shatter at the slightest hesitation of wind and vanish in a puff of dust, magnetic records recorded in a vast sheet, that could little be read in terms of a clear code, not like binary, not visually like a structurally marked surface but more a surface given by impression of waves fluctuating in and out.  Translating analog signals into magnetic ones had this effect, interpreters were built to synthesize the sounds that were left in these impressions.  Analysis would in turn be performed on this synthesis and in turn other rounds of translations performed, and then given so much storage, the predominance of materials themselves and the diversity of authorship given to production, it would seem the old ancient world that existed were obviously one given to abundant communications.  Then it would seem any number of representations kept were served for time thought of on the order of decade, but in some ways neither beyond this.  While many components might have lasted the more complex any particular representation in design would mean potentially much difficulty in the way of its lasting preservation, and matching placement of code architecture to hardware design itself was another matter altogether.  Much of physical art itself had vanished, or decayed beyond recognition.  At least if judging by the nature of data found in one particular archive itself, much were gone.  Then perspective for perspective, ten thousand years prior, an old commons On This Day would read, Matthew Ingress celebrated columnist for the Evening Herald, passed away, and then Cessiu thought of her own retirement, not in this exact context, but another, her job would be ending soon here.  If funding malaise weren't enough then as it were now.