That you have come home so many years, you recapitulate your experience of conspiracy, that this has repeated itself, however, many times, over. That in that cycle, however, much time has passed with the eventual outcome, that conspiracies would run along the lines of social blacklisting, and that entire communities could be engaged in stripping away the rights of people, that people you know could and might be in on the act of doing this...then this would die down. Why?! Was it contempt and social distrust by others in the process of this happening, that after all, you weren't perceived as highly ranked in justification for the loss of rights, and that this eventually would culminate in something of political and social changes. You think things were headed in better directions, but the worst Christmas were for the year 2013, where this should seem a more massive broader social conspiracy. The sort that one should lift out of fiction, but the run on this conspiracy, should also seem short lived. However, that this should be failing if it were true, it seems if it were like the Last Supper where social political polarization had hit a maximum, what had picked up in the cycle of a decade shouldn't be any worse then it were in the beginning, one should imagine, or the worst for these witch hunts, were the result of being imprisoned for some punitive political purpose, but actually supposedly far worse, sadly, that tampered foods, or products of various sorts relating to personal hygiene might have been taken serious at one time in so far as accusation...here more silently, entry into a supermarket, and you'd find an entire supermarket shelve wiped clean, apparently then one to wonder whether poor ordering took place, or that consumer(s) had wiped the store clean possibly(?). Someone sounding more 'agent' then customer service representative would cap a semi impatient 'What can I do for you bro?' lingering here on the bro in lengthier terms all because then someone potentially cared in a way, and now, you find yourself again returning to these self limited urban/suburban sojourns. Here one could sense the same sorts of conditions potentially re arising, as before, to the same degree and scale, perhaps as before, but ultimately capped at some limit. It remains that if in theory, that not just personal liberty but life were at stake, and no less you lived in what were supposedly the civilized of first world democracy, your persecution only varied in the sense of an embedded, nefarious, plot, where extermination cycles were at times highly orchestrated potentially in nuanced ways, that is avoiding being discerned in clear and obvious... at least not obviously large groups of people with machetes in hand, and thus potentially providing plausibility that anything of the sort should have ever happened. That is, if this could be imagined, even in delirium or illness otherwise, people should be equipped in equal ways to encode their social communication in less then clear ways. Deniability is outright fashion? And hence you wondering if Hollywood bothers this time with the alms of the Invasion of the Body Snatchers, or that the werewolves suddenly manifest themselves in full force (for at least the short jaunt of shittiest ever 'Christmas'...here you were waiting for a Gremlins 2 or 3 make and model)...Fox would engage in plausible deniability that Santa were rotting away in the first chimney that he ever set foot in even before he ever reached house and home with presents, or for that matter that someone had to learn it weren't Santa really. Then if it hadn't seemed as much an omen, an abandoned tent in the fall, or that if you thought someone were likely to return the wind had eventually claimed it in a way of blowing it and all possessions therein into a ditch, and that one might have perceived some spectral form by it, who were free then? Likeliest you'd make excuses, that it were easier to abandon in the case of a nice benevolent windfall that weren't the harsh winter cold moving in. Only a homeless man were found in the woods in recent years literally frozen, because it weren't so wise to be here in the winter and homeless...you were reminded of this potentially years ago, when you attempted to call any one homeless shelter, and found busy signals, and then a plant would apparently respond to any potential concern of this type, not because you directly solicited an inquiry, but that someone somewhere may have noticed something that you said?! There are few homeless because its too cold to be homeless here, and if someone made of profession of it, to the angry ire and resentment of a hostile social conservative, for there aren't any homeless, because it should seem that utopian here but having another caste of those that weren't homeless acting the part of being homeless...which sort of leads to the belief that the homeless don't exist, but exist only because apparently that a community should provide on the exterior the evidence of democracy and existential freedom, that is, the evidence of a population that acted out such part? Honestly I resort to some memory years ago, when I happened to be tagging along with a neighbor friend as a kid, whose volunteer parent toted us to a local kitchen pantry, that is, back when a small crowd might have shown up, but generally nothing it should seem in mind beyond 10 or 20 persons...I couldn't recall if it were winter, or fall, although it seemed colder, and who would brave the elements then anymore then today? Of course, one should imagine the best of a nameless face...only that weren't as much hardened as when seen from a west coast view, as in one case, dwelling in a coffee shop and looking so withered in a way to be at death's door. Here in the Midwest stark reminders are often never so self evident, at least where there is social space, and law enforcement to 'tidy' and intercede, or at least where one should hope not that squads of malignant youth were roaming the streets for any darker purpose. The malignant youth, that one should imagine, are apparently unseen and invisible in a way, one should imagine. There aren't really the sorts of social gathering points that once existed even in the heights of the cold war back in the 80s, and when I once traveled to Germany for a short stint, in southern country, happenstance in a social way, I felt as though I were in a way reliving a time warp, do kids these days socialize like they used to? Then one should cringe when thinking about the ways that they might do it, in this day and age. I'd still then have felt estranged as much as I were there, as I am and have been here still, however...to be informed that the world weren't exactly as I thought it.
Much seems fragmentary and disjoint going forward, in a sad way. For in this day, more supernatural oddity would arise in a way, whether flocks of ravens would be at ones doorstep, or that ravens themselves could communicate oddly enough in a way, you looked to them as friends, omens, premonitions of things. The ravens in a way, however, moved on in the coming years, and things would appear to settle down, although, one's life would be put on hold or limbo, seemingly stuck in a way, without moving forward in the sense that a mobility were provided through new life contacts, although some rekindling shouldn't be at complete loss, some notable others were like meeting the estranged in several year increment time warps, or having gazed into a wax museum that were slowly fading with time. Formally less should be said in time, one should imagine, or that time were moving well into a given future, with departures and returns of anything more. It seems in a way like a death here, and that things in a way aren't changing, nor likely to change in the clearest sense of an awareness if one were the ghost of a given society, but that at least some personal form should exist less then resigned. All that returns ends with nothing more in return, and that seems the furthest of communicability provided, or intent otherwise, or where more obvious, these days much is political, the secret purge, ends up back firing one is to imagine, and I am no less settled then I were in the rhythms of silent persecutions, at least now you have your life back in way, even if your spleen, liver, kidneys, and intestines were slightly more frayed, but I think in retrospect I must have survived when I were sick for a full month, or strangely ill, where one were lingering in a strange illness diagnosed as bronchitis but should seem in this present mind, not like a lingering secondary infection but something else...maybe its the sort of thing we tend to question of our given histories?! One hopes or imagines the best in neither joining ranks of the less then seen, or unseen altogether, and then where in such world, one were to experience more profoundly the hallmark of fear. It is hard to imagine a significant and dramatic change such as this. It seems more likely then one should leave a given home, and never look back again. So to memories...so to in search of a new sanctuary.
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